To date or not to date…that is the question. CONS 1. From experience, dating involves a lot of time spent making small talk with men who have no idea how have a successful social interaction, and who choose not to conform to basic social norms around meeting new people like “ask questions” and “make eye [...]
My mother recently gave me a huge, heavy, ornately framed mirror that calls out to be hung on the wall above my bed. I’ve had it for a month. Now, I have been a single woman for eternity, and lived in rickety old houses for that long too, so I know how to hang things. [...]
I don’t think it was loneliness that spurred me to start dating again in 2009. I think it was hopefulness (and horniness.) My life was in a bit of a flux, as I was just coming out of a period of working maniacally around the clock and every weekend for a couple of years, and [...]
Today is hard, for some reason. Nothing I do distracts me from the brick of sadness that sits in my stomach, interfering with the important work of my diaphragm. I keep catching myself taking deep, almost gasping breaths. Like that is going to change anything. It’s a very first-world problem, I know. I feel a [...]
1. On a scale of 1-10, how frightened are you of commitment? 2. Oh really? And that’s why you’re still single/divorced? 3. Complete the following sentence: When I think of my most significant past relationship, I… a) masturbate furiously. b) stalk him/her via every available social media outlet. c) pour a drink and toast [...]
I forgot about these. You Are More Likely To Be Struck By Lightning Than To Get Married After Forty, And Why I Pray That There Is No Third Option Mom, I’m A Lesbian*. Just Kidding! But You’re Never Getting Grandchildren Because I Am Now Too Old That Stupid Motherfucker And How He Did Me [...]
This morning, I had some very minor oral surgery done. I casually texted Lieu last night to tell him about it, mostly because it was happening very close to his office and I knew I might see him on the street. He picked up the phone and called me immediately (a noticeable violation of our [...]
Lieu and I are going to New York this weekend. We are staying in a nice hotel, going to a show on Broadway (great seats!), and hanging out with my best friends from college. You know, just like people in casual relationships do. I am anxious about (and excited for) this weekend in a million [...]
How was your Valentine’s Day? Mine was…confusing. I don’t think I’ve ever really had a valentine before. I remember carefully parceling out the paper valentines for my classmates in grammar school, making sure that nothing suggestive went to any boys, lest they get the wrong idea and subsequently give me cooties. In my misspent twenties, [...]
3 p.m. I hate everything. Should have straightened my hair Disaster looms. Oy. 4 p.m. Snow cancellation? I never get that lucky. I hate this outfit. 5 p.m. Goddamn stupid Lieu. Just need three small words from him To hop off this train. 5:30 p.m. Of course my boss wants To meet now. The world [...]
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