Mating, Dating, Relating, Medicating

Nov 14

Cognito : Your help and my advice

Say you are, theoretically, at a happy hour with colleagues you don’t know very well. You have had, perhaps, one more drink than you should have. You have already informed the group that, contrary to what they may think, you are actually “98% fun and only 2% [name of your corporate employer.]” You have stated that you never eat wings in public. You are the only woman present, a rose among the branches, so to speak.

A conversation about Google breaks out, and you overhear someone mention the incognito window function in Chrome. “Don’t say anything bad about the incognito window,” you say seriously. “The incognito window is science. It’s a gift of the modern age. Though you do have to be wary of people standing behind you.” There is a slight pause in the conversation while your colleagues consider your unexpected passion for this topic.

Theoretically, what’s the first thing that pops into your head about the woman who made this statement? Why does she love the incognito window so much? If I have any male readers, I’d also like to hear your perspective on this.


In a scant few hours, I’m leaving on a jet plane for Camp Mighty, where I am going to actualize the shit out of myself (not a metaphor.) I’m going to drink fruity drinks by the pool and approach strangers and make them love me before they realize how weird I am sometimes. (Kidding. I’m pretty cool.) (Kidding.)

I also have to work while I’m there, but one of my life list goals is to stop being a person who bitches about work, so I’m not going to mention it in this post.

Anyway, one of the things Camp attendees do is raise money for a charity, and this year’s recipient is charity:water. It’s appropriate both because we will be in a desert, and because helping provide clean water to people who need it is a good thing to do, and I want to do good things. NOTE: I updated the link. This should take you straight to the donation page.

My co-campers are offering awesome incentives for donations, but your CF is not crafty, sadly for all of us. And so I’ve been wracking my brain about what I could offer to thank you for your generosity, and since you don’t need my help with spelling or menu brainstorming, I thought I would offer something else: advice. If you donate $10 or more (put my name or the name of the blog in the comment field) I will write  just for you a Dear Sugar style response to a dilemma you are having. I will think deeply about it, and I will put my heart and brain into it fully. And seriously, for someone who doesn’t always have her shit together personally, I give excellent advice. I hesitate to call it a superpower, but only because I’m also very modest.

I’d love to post your questions and my response here, anonymously or not, but I can also just do it via email if you prefer. I promise that if I cannot summon wisdom and profundity, I will be funny as a last resort.

In sum, I like you, you look pretty today, please help me raise $200 dollars. Also, don’t forget the incognito question above, and please wish me, my galloping insecurities, and my Irish skin luck in Palm Springs.




7 Responses to “Cognito : Your help and my advice”

  1. Diary of Why says:

    I am not able to donate at this time, but I do wish you luck and lots of fun. :)

  2. Kathy says:

    I guess I’m denser than usual today but I don’t really understand how to donate. “put my name or the name of the blog in the comment field” The comment field of what? Surely not this blog’s comment field? The charity? The Camp? Could you spell it out please? Thanks!

  3. Ciara says:

    Hi Kathy– I fixed the link so it should be more clear. It’s at

    Hope that helps and thank you!!!

  4. Melospiza says:

    I perhaps am wishing I knew more about this incognito window. I am assuming it is some sort of way to hide your online activity at work from the corporate overlord.

    If I were a rose among the branches (I will be repeating that to myself ALL DAY and giggling, I hope you know) and one of the less-well-known branches mentioned a partiality for hiding his online activity…well, NSFW might flit across my mind but it would be a mere scudding wisp of cloud. I would probably ploddingly assume overindulgence in the types of nonwork online activity I might engage in – such as, cough, too much checking on my Google Reader. One does tend to assume the colleague leans toward the same sorts of extracurricular activity one does oneself. Or I tend to assume.

    However, since I am woefully ignorant of this thing of which you speak, I am likely so far off base as to be in Nebraska, awaiting my outbound assignment.

    Speaking of assignments, I will try to figure out the charity: water thing and contribute.

  5. Dakota says:

    I will be spending the next several days brainstorming about what I want my question to be so that I can get an awesome and witty response.

  6. rooth says:

    Uhh, I totally think the incognito window is genius – it’s pretty hyper important to the baby-esque web work that I’m doing for my start up. In addition, one of the charities that we are reviewing is charity:water so when we get that report published, I will definitely email you and let you know

  7. they think you love freaky porn and stalk your ex’s lol…
    personally incognito is the only way i roll ;-)

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