Mating, Dating, Relating, Medicating

Oct 28
2012

Sandy, can’t you see, I’m in misery

I have a lot of good things to tell you, blogstars, but let’s start with this.

Things I have done so far to prepare for Sandy:

  • Bought extra Diet Coke.
  • And a can of full-sugar soda, in case the end times are truly upon us.
  • Went to a gas station to try to buy bread, but only scored peanut butter and jelly. I guess I will eat it with crackers.
  • Bought two moon pies.
  • Evaluated my foodstuffs and reflected on the fact that I don’t go to the grocery store any more.
  • Decided to stay positive: my refrigerator only contains fancy yuppie pickles, but at least they are not perishable.
  • Ordered a pizza.
  • Considered putting gas in my car, but it was raining, so…
  • Put my trash in my neighbor’s dumpster in case mine blows over. No trash in my yard, thanks!
  • Brooded bitterly about the fact that I have to work tomorrow and NO ONE ELSE IN DC DOES.
  • Giggled at weather headline: “Sandy straddles east coast.” And the east coast liked it!  WHORE!
  • Pondered how to get off the crisis communications team at work, because I’m actually anti-business resiliency if it means I have to work when everyone else is drinking/napping/getting laid/napping again.
  • Developed strategic emergency plan: If things get crazy, I will walk to the White House. I only live two miles away, and Obama will not let me die because I’m a donor ($25 — in 2008 AND 2012. So really $50.)
  • Tried to find a boyfriend online, with typically dispiriting results.
  • Talked to my father for the first time since August. He loves bad weather (as do I.)
  • Updated the flashlight app on my phone. Now with strobe and broadcast text!
  • Put off cleaning my house, because if the world ends tomorrow, is that how I will have wanted to spend my time?
  • Parked Jeepers on a street with only spindly trees, cause I’m crafty like that.
  • Charged my Kindle and downloaded books.
  • Wrote you a dirty song. About a friend.
To the tune of “Sandy” from the best soundtrack of all time, Grease.
Stranded in my apartment
Bored all alone
Nothing to do
But self-abuse
Sandy, can’t you see, I’m in misery
My magic wand
Will not turn on,
If you break the electricity.
Batteries
Are all sold out
Pray my rabbit does not die-ie-ie
Oh please, consider me, oh Sandy

 

5 Responses to “Sandy, can’t you see, I’m in misery”

  1. Ha! “Sandy straddles east coast”.

    I feel bad about complaining about how for the past week it’s been nothing but snow and below-freezing temperatures around here, and will be for days to come. Well, at least I have power. This is the optimistic view of living in Calgary. We might have eight months of winter, but at least we are unaffected by hurricanes, tsunamis, etc.

  2. El Dani says:

    Great post. I started reading your blog during Hurricane Irene. Should we consider tonight some kind of anniversary?

  3. Ha! Happy anniversary, then. Should we celebrate here or in Spain?

  4. El Dani says:

    We can do both :P
    Cheers!

  5. rooth says:

    You were definitely prepared for that storm – I hope you weren’t too badly affected by it all

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