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2012
Wise and Sober Children
Obviously, I read every book, including Farmer Boy. Only poseurs skipped that one. I coveted every detail–bonnets and petticoats and tin plates and Ma’s china shepherdess. Remember when they got to taste oysters that had been brought out west on a train? I’d still like to try parched corn, which the girls got three pieces of at Christmas each year. Why was that? It seems like there was a lot of corn around; could they not have parched a little extra? I think it would taste like CornNuts but Whole Foods-style.
And those sod houses, with the dirt floors that they swept clean every day. I still want to live in a sod house. I bet it smells like lying beside a lake in the summer. I would plant bright flowers on top, like zinnias. (You can stand on top, right?)
It was the blizzards that consumed my imagination, though. They had to tie a guide rope between the house and the barn lest they get lost in a white-out and die. And you know the Ingalls’ homestead was not that big; Pa was many things–a good fiddler, a grower of beards, a cheerful hog butcher–but he was not a great provider.
He was a survivor, though. I like to think I would have the presence of mind to shoot my horse, eviscerate it, and crawl inide for warmth if I were lost in a blizzard, but I just don’t know. I’ve always thought I’d just let myself fall asleep. They say freezing to death isn’t a bad way to go–you’re very warm and drowsy at the end, and warm and drowsy is kind of my “thing”.
And as long as we’re on the topic, yes, I did have sexual feelings for the Indians. Laura did too; they just couldn’t come right out and say it in the books.
Although it was rumored to be Ronald Reagan’s favorite series, and purists turn up their noses at it, I’ve also seen every episode of the Little House on the Prairie TV series. Even the really, really awful ones, like when some minor character that Albert loves gets raped by a mime in the woods and has to bind her breasts. (Also: Albert. What’s up with his lips?)As an example of a terrible episode, I was going to use the one where Ma’s foot gets infected and she’s by herself and delirious with fever and nearly has to cut it off, but that was actually riveting and emotional. What would she do without a foot out there so far from town! Even able-bodied Carrie couldn’t manage to walk through that tall grass, as we plainly see watching her face-plant during every opening sequence. (Do you hear the theme song in your head now? I do.)
Or remember that kid who died of appendicitis in the back of the wagon because his parents believed in faith healing? Doc Baker was soooo mad.
I may or may not have stayed up all night watching a marathon of Little House movies on the Hallmark Channel the day Michael Landon died, even though I knew by then that he was a hopeless alcoholic who drank vodka all day on set. The way his eyes twinkled, though…I loved the way he tucked Mary and Laura in, on straw mattresses up in that loft, and answered their difficult questions.
One thing the show lacked is the vivdness of the smells and flavors in the books. Remember how Ms. Eliza Jane Wilder smelled like lemon verbena? I always thought that sounded very fancy and comforting, on par with horehound candy. I can clearly remember a description of Laura eating a slice of turnip from the root cellar in the middle of winter, when fresh food was scarce, and how crisp and delicious she made it sound. I made my mom buy me one, but she said no one ate turnips raw, and when cooked and mashed it was quite offensive to my seven-year-old palate.
Also: taffy-pulling parties. I would have DIED to go to a taffy-pulling party. I still would. There is a restaurant in DC that serves snow candy, made with maple syrup, and I can’t believe that I actually went there and didn’t get it. I must have been possessed.
As a child, I would also have enjoyed playing with the inflated bladder of a pig, though I don’t think I quite have the stomach for it now. Ditto headcheese, though I’m glad Laura liked it.
I loved Anne of Green Gables, too. She always reminded me of Laura, two wise and sober children who were also fun-loving and gay. Not great beauties, but greatly loved, whether for sturdiness and pigtails (Laura) or kind grey eyes (Anne with an “e”). Anne also gave me the concept of kindred spirits, an idea I believe in as fervently as some people believe in church.
Looking back, I loved Laura and Anne so much because I wanted to be like them–a smart girl with just enough hardship to safely overcome, in time to marry Almanzo or Gilbert. (Gilbert, preferably, if I’m honest. I like gingers.) There is a psychological term for this, for being hyper-attracted to qualities in someone else that you wish you had. I do it with men, too. (Did I ever tell you that Lieu was a joint PhD./J.D. from an intact family, who’d spent part of his childhood living abroad? I mean, come on. Of course my DNA yearned to mingle with his.)
I would say that Jo March was my truest heroine–when she chopped off her hair!–but I am terrified of her fate, bravely watching my sisters and friends get married only to wind up childless, with Profeessor Bhaer as my husband. I always pictured him with a big belly and a monocle. No thank you.
But back to the Ingalls. I own The Wilder Life, obviously, wherein I learned that the family once had to skip town in the middle of the night to avoid Pa’s gambling debt. But, the man did also walk 300 miles for work, so, ying-yang. No one’s perfect. I also own the cookbook. (Johnnycakes. I’m afraid to eat them because I want them so much.) That’s part of my Little House nerdery, but also a hedge against the end of the collapse of American society, when knowing some hardscrabble recipes might come in handy as I walk from DC to Ohio to await the endgame with my mom. (She has a generator.) My sister has already let me know that she will have herself and the dog to think of on that walk, and that she knows she walks much faster than I do, so… Perhaps my stash of recipes will keep her by my side a few days longer, for body heat if nothing else.
I spent every summer of my childhood on Prince Edward Island working on my Grandfather’s farm. Anne of Green Gables was my nemesis. Rather, I hated the NY tourist’s kids who came to the islands looking for Avonlea. These days it’s Japanese girls who have fallen under the spell of Anne. Every August the Island is flooded with Japanese tourists wearing red pig tail wigs. It’s weird looking. I still smell clam chowder and paint thinner every time I hear someone mention P.E.I.
This has not diminished my ardent desire to visit P.E.I. As always, though, I will strive to blend in and not be uncool.
I have so much to say. SO MUCH. I love this post very much, I loved all those books and I saw all those episodes (remember that the rape victim dies because she falls off a ladder?). I loved when Laura and Almanzo got married in These Happy Golden Years, so idyllic, but then you read The First Four Years and holy crap, depressing. DEPRESSING.
I always loved Jo and thought I was a Jo, but it turns out I’m probably more of an Amy, which is also sad and depressing.
Anne, I loved, but did you also read the Emily books? I think I’m more of an Emily.
I don’t know if I did read the Emily books. I just bought all of the Anne ones, but I’m afraid to re-read in case I don’t love them any more.
You would still love all the Anne books. I read them in my childhood, when I was a teenager, and now, and I STILL love them. You’re just going to have a new favorite in the series.
Oh my gosh, I loved the Little House show so much. I never read the books — I guess I was more of a Nancy Drew (with maybe a little Trixie Belden thrown in), but I sure did love the show. And I cried EVERY single episode. Every one. I thought I made it through one once, but then at the end someone was moving away and had to leave their dog behind? And it was just sitting there, sad. Whammo! Tears.
My grandma has Nancy and Trixie and the Bobbsey twins and Hardy Boys books–LOVED those things.
I have so much to say because you are talking about some of my favorite books in the world who helped make me the woman I am today, but I will say this and be brief: I was crushed when Jo got with the old dude. I imagined him with a huge belly, big glasses, a pipe, and ridiculous facial hair. Since I identified with Jo, too (I would have choked Amy for burning my manuscript), I was like, “Is that what happens to smart, determined women?” Also, she should have been with Laurie.
Oh, and I’m totally an Emily. I’m climbing the Alpine Path as we speak. You should read the Emily of New Moon books, if you haven’t already.
I don’t know how I skipped Emily. I’ll have to find those books.
I have all of these–Anne, Laura, Emily, Jo. I frequently reread all of the Annes, but I think I am going to have to pull Laura back out. Almanzo’s wikipedia page is fascinating (and wasn’t he featured on My Daguerrotype Boyfriend? Bc he is a hottie).
I can’t recall which one (Laura, probably?) has a description of vinegar pie. I’ve always wanted to try vinegar pie.
Vinegar pie was totally Laura…I would eat that.
I think you and I are literary kindred spirits. I am similarly torn between Almanzo and Gilbert. Although, farmer vs doctor, hmm…
And Gilbert wasn’t a ginger! Was he? He called Anne ‘carrots,’ remember? That would be very pot/kettle, wouldn’t it?
Oh you’re totally right…I knew I should have looked at least some of this stuff up. I still picture him as a redhead though for some reason.
I’ll admit, I knew Gilbert wasn’t a redhead mostly from the CBC version of Anne of Green Gables, which I must have watched at least thirty times over the years, if not more. Unlike most screen adaptations of books (Little House on the Prairie) in which the characters look nothing like you imagined them and aren’t all that faithful to the text, I think this one got it spot on. Please don’t tell me you haven’t seen it! You must, you absolutely must watch it! Today!
Whooo, I had SUCH a crush on Laurie! And was appalled by the professor as a child, but when I re-read it as an adult I had a crush on him! Jo and Meg were tied for my favorites.
For ages I assumed I wouldn’t want to read Farmer Boy. I re-read all the others a few times first, then finally read that one and it was my top favorite.
Have you read The Children Who Stayed Alone? Similar type of book. I also loved All of a Kind Family; it made me want to be Jewish.
But Swistle, if you see the recent Winona Ryder version of Little Women, Professor Bhaer, as played by Gabriel Byrne, is HOT STUFF. WOWZA.
Chaim Potok made me want to be Jewish so, so badly.
I started reading the Little House series at my cousin’s house in Kansas where it was blowing snow. I wanted Laura’s life as a kid – I wanted to pour maple syrup in the snow and eat it while it hardened and be apart of a pig slaughter to play with the bladder balloon. Nowadays, I don’t even like maple syrup and I’d never want to be anywhere near a pig slaughter. But it’s funny what you fixate on as a child and how everything looks in your head vs real life. And it’s fun to go back and visit every once in awhile.
Another favourite – Hatchet! I could read those food descriptions for hours. Who knew Gary Paulsen was the first foodie
I think I read Hatchet but I honestly have zero memory of it…a plane crash? Maybe I tried it as an audiobook and never finished…I’ll have to check it out.
I love all three of those series so much– and Farmer Boy is still my most quoted book! My family does Little House-themed stocking stuffers every year, a tin cup, a shiny penny, oranges… Its awesome!
Laura, Anne and Jo are still my idols, and I like to think I’ll reread those books until I die.
Little House stocking stuffers are GENIUS.
Hilarity- Meet my friend Kara. Although, I never would have put you two together…well, here we are. http://welloneofmyblogs.com/2012/01/04/last-day-of-vacay/
Weird. So weird.
I am super shy and never comment anywhere but I had to delurk for this! Jo March has children! In Little Men (which is pretty boring and you probably havent reread lately) she definitely had some boys that were her biological kids, in addition to all the school boys. And I have a vague memory that she might have had a little girl later, but I can’t confirm that on Wikipedia, so maybe not.
I hope that makes you more hopeful.