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2011
Family Photos: Bershon Edition
This is me, circa 1987, at a winery on Put-in-Bay, Lake Erie, with my family.
All the cool 12-year-olds were there*. In fanny packs and neon, just like me.
Frequently Asked Questions About This Photo
Q: Were you really only 12 here, Lolita?
I was a very early bloomer, as the training bra I was forced to wear in third grade would attest (if it had the power of speech.) I mean, I got my first period before I got my first ten-speed bike.
Q: Really? A winery? At age 12?
A: Someone had to drive the golf cart around the island, and ferry people from point A to point B (point B was usually the Beer Barrel Saloon, home of the longest bar in the world.) Why not me and my remarkably poor posture? (Tween girls who are 5’10 don’t stand up straight. That’s a law.)
Q: What kind of wine do they make in Ohio?
A: Pink Catawba, baby. It’s a pink drink that’s best poured down the sink. Or served over ice, as my grandpa preferred his.
Q: Why were you wearing that?
A: It was 1987, and fanny packs had just been invented and were therefore cool. They’re actually a very useful place for a 12-year-old to keep her babysitting money, sailor’s knot bracelets, and cigarettes. And matches!
Q: No, I meant the shirt.
A: I have no excuse for the partially ribbed oversize neon orange t-shirt.
Q: OK, but can you explain the earrings?
A: Listen, the 80s were a difficult sartorial period in our nation’s history. You had to be there to understand. Just be thankful you can’t see my Jams in this photo.
Q: What’s up with that look on your face?
A: I was totally bershon, and you would have been too.
The term Bershon has been used to describe a particular type of facial expression in which a person conveys a mixture of embarrassment, boredom, disgust, sulkiness, indifference, and disdain at their current situation (usually in the context of being photographed). Bershon can often be identified in pictures of adolescents and teenagers who have been photographed in various states of awkwardness and self-pitying resentment – although Bershon can be seen in people of all ages.
This is what bershon looks like up close:
Q: You had really awesome hair.
A: That’s not a question, but thank you. I still do, but I’m not nearly as cute now as I was in this picture. If I had known how cute I was back then, I would have had a completely different high school experience. In fact, I’m thinking of starting a campaign called “It Doesn’t Get Any Better” to encourage young women to take advantage of their nubile bodies and creamy skin while they have these assets, because they fade OMG so fast you can’t believe it.
Who’s with me?
Q: Who’s the guy?
That’s my uncle. Right before this photo was taken, he cut off the long, flowing curls he was sporting when he met my aunt. It was a sad time for all of us, except my grandpa, who believed longhaired freaky people need not apply when it came to his daughters. That’s why my uncle was drinking pink wine. Who wouldn’t?
*No, they weren’t. They were at the playground playing with Barbies or something, like 12-year-olds should.
Came for the bershon. Stayed for the fanny pack.
So, throw your fanny pack back around your waist because they’re back! I saw a lady with a leopard print one at Starbucks this morning
Nooooo!
Oh my. You may have inspired me.
“It doesn’t get any better” – OMG DYING LAUGHING
Also, sadly true. I want to say that to 14 year old me when I see pics.
“It doesn’t get any better” LOVE IT!!!! So true!
OMG, I was 12 in 1987 too and I had similarly bright, baggy t-shirts that matched my earrings.
totally with you on your campaign re: it doesn’t get any better. oh what i would give to go back and tell self-loathing middle and high school laura how cute she was and how things were just going to go downhill.
Okay, I have been to Port Clinton like 3 times now and have yet to make it to Put-In-Bay or Cedar Point. The Husband says I’m not missing much. I think he is lying. Pink wine sounds like everything else I have experienced on my trips to Ohio, exotic (everything in OH is exotic to someone who grew up in SoCal), weird and not to be missed.
By the bye, I have had my fingers crossed for some time now that all of the hideous 80′s clothes will not make a comeback.But sadly I’ve seen the youth of late sporting flipped up collars and pegged pants. Please God no.
as the “80s” didn’t really end in alabama until sometime around 1994, i have a number of these pictures. tight-rolled jeans. leggings and tunics with ruffles. oh, lord…
I love you for introducing me to Bershon — because that’s pretty much the sum of my entire adolescence. Because you’ve been so generous, I give you this. I was also wearing a training bra as a 9-year-old and had a face full of pimples when other kids were still playing in sandboxes. Good times.
Bershon!! All my life I’ve searched for this expression. And there it is. Thank you. I about died laughing at the pic, the expression is so funny. YES to “it doesn’t get any better”!
Wow, your blog really lives up to its name! They don’t always you know…. Hey, fanny packs are PRACTICAL!! I had the same hair. Still do really… Thanks or the laughs!
Just found your blog. Love it!
P.S. Excellent “Signs” reference. And not the Tesla version.