Ten Thing Thursday: Lame Edition

Work is kicking my ass and I am really sad this week. I thought I was entering the anger phase of the breakup, but I seem to have backtracked.

So, here is one of blogging’s tried and true tropes:

Top 10 Search Terms People Use to Find This Blog

1. Hilarity in shoes. I’ll take it but…you guys know about bookmarks, right?  And Google Reader?

2. Declining fertility with age. Honey, if you are googling this, you already know the sad sad truth of the matter: Larry King can make a new baby in his 70s, but you are pretty much fucked after 40. My sister made me swear a blood oath never to post the chart again, but I will link to it. Sorry.

3. Shoes for  35 year old man. Wait, are you a 35-year-old man who cares enough about his appearance to google for sartorial advice?  Are you straight? Can we grab a coffee sometime?  I promise to almost definitely not talk about my declining fertility.

4. Every other possible permutation of “35 year old man”.  I know, it’s a tricky age.  Please read my handy guide and come to terms with either which type you are or which type you’re dating, and feel free to share with the rest of the class.

5. Rick Perry eating a corndog.  Still hilarious. Let’s see it again.

6. Sex with old men. Um. Whatever floats your boat, I guess. My personal limit is right around 43. (I had a friend once upon a time who was dating a 23-year-old when he was 45.  I really liked her. “I don’t know,” he said one night, when I asked how things were going. “Her birthday is coming up soon. I might have to trade her in for two 12-year-olds.” It remains one of the most terrible, awesome jokes I have ever heard.)

7. 26 year old woman dating 35 year old man and 35 year old man maturity. I refer you to number 6, above.

8. Christmas card for the single person. Jesus, mom, have a little faith. I’m TRYING, okay? Anything could happen by Christmas!

(I’m not really trying.)

(Are any of you a graphic designer who would like to collaborate on this year’s Christmas cards for single people and from ex-boyfriends? Get in touch!)

9. Dating experiment. Better you than me.  Wear goggles. (That both is and is not a euphemism.)

10. Hyperpersonal service. Google doesn’t deal in innuendo. You’re going to have to be a lot more specific, and you’re going to have to do it somewhere else. I’m pretty sure I can’t provide what you’re looking for…unless what you’re looking for is a chance to provide hyperpersonal services, in which case, get in touch!