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HURRICANE UPDATE:Nudist flash mob jumping in puddles. I’m in! Oh, sorry, “naturist”. FLASH FLOOD WARNING ISSUED FOR DC AREA #irene #dc

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HURRICANE UPDATE: I’m running low on #dietcoke. Don’t panic don’t panic don’t panic. FILL ALL NECESSARY PRESCRIPTIONS #dc #irene
21 minutes ago

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#yourloveislikeahurricane: Wet, sticky, and largely failing to deliver on its early promise. #dc #irene
42 minutes ago

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HURRICANE ALERT: Being single & sober during this storm is giving me a tropical depression. ESSENTIAL SUPPLIES MAY BECOME SCARCE. #dc #irene
1 hour ago

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HURRICANE ALERT: The dog is afraid of rain and knocking shit over. PICTURES OF DAMAGE NEAR H ST NE. PRAY. #irene #dctwitpic.com/6c886d
1 hour ago

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HURRICANE ALERT: Went outside and the humidity really fucked up my hair. YOUR PERSONAL SAFETY IS PARAMOUNT. #irene #dc
1 hour ago

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HURRICANE UPDATE: Such a gloomy day for the last Saturday in August. BREEZE, MOISTURE CURRENTLY DESTROYING NATION’S CAPITOL. #irene #dc
4 hours ago

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HURRICANE UPDATE: Do you think the Dupont farmer’s market will be open tmrw? CONVENTIONAL PRODUCE WILL KILL YOU IF IRENE DOESN’T #irene #dc
5 hours ago

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HURRICANE UPDATE: CNN reporting widespread loss of shingles on vacation homes in OBX. Trickledown economics says your house is next. #irene
6 hours ago

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HURRICANE UPDATE: Repeated use of the phrase “storm surge” is starting to turn me on. CHECK ON NEIGHBORS WHO LIVE ALONE. #irene #dc
6 hours ago

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HURRICANE UPDATE: Ocean City, MD shutting off sewers at 6pm DC, DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT. Everyone here is FULL of shit. #irene #dc
6 hours ago

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I apologize for the continued use of all-caps but I am kind of cracking myself up. #thiscouldbefromanyoneontwitter
6 hours ago

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HURRICANE UPDATE: I believe the proper term is “district of emergency” until we get statehood. MAYOR GRAY, YOU KNOW I’M RIGHT. #irene #dc
6 hours ago

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HURRICANE UPDATE: f we lose power, I can still access my DVR, right? DENY ME TRUEBLOOD AND I WILL CUT YOU, PEPCO.#irene #dc
7 hours ago

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HURRICANE UPDATE: Many raindrops seen falling in an undifferentiated pattern and w/o mercy. GET RIGHT WITH JESUS. #irene #dc
7 hours ago

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HURRICANE UPDATE: I am bored and restless. WITHOUT FLASHLIGHT BATTERIES YOU WILL SURELY DIE. #irene #dc
7 hours ago

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HURRICANE UPDATE: There is no bottled water in the entire city. TAP WATER ABUNDANT YET PERCEIVED TO BE INFERIOR.#irene #dc
7 hours ago

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HURRICANE UPDATE: Three raindrops have fallen on my left shoulder. OBEY EVACUATION ORDERS IF THEY COME WHICH IS UNLIKELY. #irene #dc
7 hours ago

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HURRICANE UPDATE: It is very cloudy. PREPARE TO SHELTER IN PLACE. #irene #dc