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2011
10 Signs You Have Been Reading Too Much George R. R. Martin
Sorry, everyone who came here hoping to read about my love life or complex interior landscape! I’m in the middle of book four–read the last three in a row–and I’m just beside myself with worry about Bran and Rickon. But I promise not to talk about it any more after this.
1. You begin to view everyone with blond hair as sinister schemers who’d best not be trusted. Winter is coming, you think to yourself with silent fury when some bimbo cuts in front of you at the ATM.
2. You cut your hand while chopping vegetables, and briefly wonder if a dose of boiling wine might not be the best treatment.
3. You begin to ponder names with lots of Ys in them for your Hypothetical Future Children, much as you did in 5th grade in Ohio when you planned to name your firstborn Khrystyne Storm. Bonus if you know what you’d name your direwolf.
4. When out to dinner one night, you find yourself searching the wine list for Dornish vintages.
5. You get caught sketching potential house sigils in your notepad at a meeting.
6. You Wikipedia the Greyjoy lineage, you sad, sad human being.
7. In a road rage incident that leaves everyone shaken and confused, you call someone an “upjumped son of a hedge knight”.
8. Lying in bed, sleepless, you compose a little mental slashfic starring complex Jaime Lannister and dreamy Jon Snow to, ahem, help you sleep, and don’t immediately kill yourself in shame.
9. Though you haven’t attended Mass for several years and don’t feel the least bit conflicted about it, you’re dreadfully torn by the question of which god you’d worship in Westeros–the old gods, the Seven, or R’hllor–and what that would say about your character.
10. You think that you should design and wear a Team Stark t-shirt, and that doing so would actually be funny and cool instead of terrifyingly lame.
BONUS: SIGN YOU ARE THE WORLD’S BIGGEST NERD You are reading your current Song of Ice and Fire on your Kindle while in line to see the Harry Potter movie in IMAX 3D the first weekend it was released. Cats are soooo going to eat your body when you die childless and alone in a hand-knitted Christmas sweater. Just accept that.
OMG: “Winter is coming, you think to yourself with silent fury”—AHA HA HA HA HA!! “…incident that leaves everyone shaken and confused…”—HA HA HA!!
I’m glad I’m not the only one who is OBSESSED with Jon Snow. Googled him. He’s already my day dreamy bf.
This…was f***ing hysterical.
Pah, nothing on this list doesn’t apply to me because I’d totally be worshipping the Drowned God, if I was in the Seven Kingdoms. That which is dead, can never die.
Also, when you repeat, “I am the blood of the dragon,” every time you get into a scalding hot bath.
Guilty on only a few but the bonus Q really cracked me up. Thanks!!
i like the team stark idea
Damn blonds everywhere! How’s a man supposed to sleep easy at night, it’s like you can hear them scheming!
You begin to think that life is just “A Mummer’s Farce.”
You search iTunes for the Rains of Castermere.
Sadly as to the Signs of being the Biggest Nerd…. That’s me. Except I was reading the massive book 5 online to enter the theater because i don’t own a kindle. **Face Palm**
HILARIOUS!
Thank you!
I sympathize number 11 on the list
You start planning a party using food that is describe in the books and start cooking like in Westros
12 you start looking for strong political marriages for either your unborn children or your actual children
Yes I am a nerd
When i worked for borders i developed at tendency to only show the spine of books by Freys, but life of pi was always given a bold display.
You start using Martin-isms, such as “misremember”.
I use “seven save you” all the time. “May the seven F***ing save you if you even think about eating the last cupcake”
When someone cuts you off in traffic, you grumble under your breath “A Lannister always pays his debt”