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2011
Blind Date Haiku (IJMM Strike 2)
3 p.m.
I hate everything.
Should have straightened my hair
Disaster looms. Oy.
4 p.m.
Snow cancellation?
I never get that lucky.
I hate this outfit.
5 p.m.
Goddamn stupid Lieu.
Just need three small words from him
To hop off this train.
5:30 p.m.
Of course my boss wants
To meet now. The world conspires
To keep me single.
6:30 p.m.
Lipstick, check. Curls, check.
Tights…oh shit. Creeping southward.
Fuck you, slip’ry Spanx.
7:00 p.m.
Maybe he’s the one!
Why not? This might be my day.
Game face! Boobs forward! Sparkle!
7:10 p.m.
Hello, awkward table.
Thank you, dismissive waiters.
Off to a great start.
7:15 p.m.
Is it rude to make
Eye contact in some cultures?
Like, say, Virginia?
7:20 p.m.
Football. College and
Pro football. Super fanboy.
No other topics.
Oh, here’s a good one:
He calls Michelle Bachman “hot”.
Then Sarah Palin.
Claims to be a Dem.
Irrelevant at this point.
No unicorns here.
Best line of the night:
“If you don’t watch football,
what DO you do then?”
Should have known better.
Blind dates are like hell on earth.
Hard to keep the faith.
8 p.m.
Long walk home alone.
Can’t believe I paid for this–
To scorn and be scorned.
But. If not this one,
Maybe the next will be It.
Keep rolling the dice.
Odds stacked against you.
Success is not guaranteed.
Love: Must play to win.
I presume after he asked what you do since you don’t watch football you told him that you enjoy public masturbation or something along those lines. Or maybe just punched him in the face?
I was good as gold. Am building up karma.
Geez girl. This sounds HARSH. The haiku recap is brilliant however. Love—hmmm. Do you think you really do have to play to win? Or do think it finds you somehow when you least expect it? If I’m single again anytime soon I’m not gonna try. I don’t have your determination. Here’s to you, T.
It was way more underwhelming than harsh. I’m just constantly amazed by other people’s poor social skills. Eve if it’s going nowhere–as was clearly the case–can’t we at least make polite chitchat over our one drink?
Loved your haikus — but am sorry about the experience that provided the inspiration for them. Sending good vibes your way.
P.S. Love your new look here! So classy and modern and cool!
rude people suck. sorry about that…
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Love this! And you definitely have to play to win. Glad you still have a great attitude.
As for tights? I avoid all fluids on days I wear tights. Having to pee when wearing tights might as well require an act of Congress.
Brilliant post, although I wish the date that inspired it hadn’t gone so poorly! xoxo
Bad date leads to great post. At least you turned into into something positive.
Keep at at! A (now happily married) buddy of mine once said, “Love isn’t like football… You don’t need to have a winning average, you just have to win one game.”
(You might have mentioned that to your date and see if he picked up the subtext.)
I think you and I could be BFF with all the drama we go through! https://datinginnewyorkcity.wordpress.com/
My favorite part: “Boobs forward!”