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2010
Dear Everyone on the 42 Bus
I hate you today.
Usually you’re so pleasant, with your indoor voices on the phone and knowledge that talking to other passengers on the bus is Not Okay. After all, what do we have to complain about in the morning? We have nice bus drivers, and vehicles that arrive so frequently they’re often tumbling over each other at every stop. Sure, the way the drivers idle at the beginning of the route at Lamont Street can feel a little passive-aggressive when you’re in a hurry, but on balance, our collective demeanor makes it obvious that we know we have the best bus route in the city.
So why were you such dicks today?
Please note that wearing your iPod does not exempt you from the universally recognized etiquette of giving up your seat for old ladies with motherfucking canes. CANES. I know you saw her, douchebag Adams Morgan guy with the carefully gelled hair. And you, pinched-face white girl in the red linen dress. I know it’s hot, and early, and I know you like to sit. But so does the abuela with the CANE.
And once I–seated halfway down the bus and the first to rise–gave up my seat and crammed into the aisle with the rest of NW’s humid humanity, I am SO INCREDIBLY SORRY that my bag touched your shoulder, middle-aged black lady in the dangly earrings. I can only imagine how that must have ruined your morning. I think the look of frank, unbridled disgust you gave me was a little bit uncalled for in its intensity, but hey, the heat makes us all cranky.
Speaking of being cranky, if you, my fellow 42 riders, repeat your appalling behavior from yesterday and step past and over me when the bus driver says no more passengers can fit this evening in Dupont, I won’t be responsible for my actions when I grab you by the puffy ankles and pull you from the step. And once we do get on the bus, all 800 of us sticky and crammed together like so many slices of ham, please, please, officious Capitol Hill employee who thinks she’s hot shit because her boss is on the Ag Committee or WTFever, STOP yelling in my ear for people to “move back further already!” There is nowhere for us to move. That’s the whole point of why we are standing so close together that our sweat is unattractively dripping on one another. It’s simple physics, and no amount of sighing and eye-rolling will change it, though such behavior is indeed imperiling my ability to hold my shit together until most of you debark in Adams Morgan.
In sum, please hydrate properly and stop pissing me off. Thanks.
While not a frequent 42 rider, it is truly a lovely route.
There’s this deaf woman who rides the shuttle from Grosvenor to my office. Usually, the bus is pretty empty, the other day, it was packed. At like 6:10 in the morning. Anyway, I was the last person to board, and she was sitting at the aisle of a two-seat bench, so I had to squeeze past her to get to the available seat.
I’m not a small guy. Also, I’m not particularly agile and am kind of clumsy. Also, she completely refused to move to let me pass her, so I’m pretty sure that while I stepped on her toe, my fat ass was right up in her face. Anyway, she howled at me about her foot, and I was all, “Sorry!”
Because, I mean, really, what the fuck else am I going to say? You didn’t move, I stepped on your foot. I didn’t do it on purpose. Please consider standing up and letting me sit down, or possibly, consider sitting on the window seat so we don’t have to do this song and dance.
Anyway, so she was scowling at me the whole drive over to work, then my stop is before hers. And again, she refuses to get up, so I have to squeeze past her. And step on her foot: again.
I mean, seriously. WTF.
I normally ride the S line, but yesterday I took the 42 both to work and back. While I participated in none of the infractions you mention, maybe I upset the delicate karmic balance somehow.
Well, the ride today was much smoother; I’m pretty sure all my fellow riders read this post and decided not to risk my wrath. Smart move, DC, smart move.
Alex, I assume you were back on the S line today? Maybe that’s it.
I alternate between the bus which stops outside my house and metro a few blocks away(depending on whether or not I feel like walking) and I tended to think that people on the metro were less…scummy than bus people. But a really pregnant (as in she looks like if you stuck her with a pin she would pop and you’d be covered in placenta) was lamenting about how all these 20something arlington douchebags on the metro pretend not to see her and play with their iPhones to avoid eye contact so that they can not give up their seats. She says that when someone actually offers her a seat, it’s usually an older lady. Apparently where she grew up people had manners.
It truly is unbelievable how rude people are. Metro may be slightly better than the bus, but on balance common kindness is in short supply. People are like three year olds with their iPods and headphones; they think if they don’t look at you, you can’t see them. BUT I DO and I am judging them.
While I no longer live in DC, all public transportation is an the whole, the same. I CANNOT stand then people don’t move AND THEN complain when you bump them, step on them or inconvenience in any way! I once tried to sit down and reached to grab the little handle on the top/back of the seat in front of me, during which I apparently grabbed the slightest bit of hair/weave. I have never been yelled at so harshly!!! It was an obvious accident, GET OVER IT!!!!!!!!
I think I was on the bus that day. I’m pretty sure I was the only person not sweating. No really, I don’ t sweat.
That’s how you’ll know me.